A Story and a Lesson: A Marital Relationship That Began with Overwhelming Love and Ended in Disaster

 

A Story and a Lesson: A Marital Relationship That Began with Overwhelming Love and Ended in Disaster

 

Today, I am sharing with you a real story that I heard, verified, analyzed, and from which I extracted important lessons and conclusions. I felt it was necessary to share it with you, because I am certain that many married couples live similar details.

This story happened to a husband and his wife.
Before marriage, there was between them a very strong love story, full of emotions and romance, which eventually led to marriage.
However, after about five years of marriage, boredom and emotional coldness affected the marital relationship, and conflicts began to grow and multiply, even over the most trivial matters.

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The relationship between the spouses turned into an unbearable relationship, and even the intimate relationship between them became almost nonexistent.
Despite having children together, this unfortunately did not save the relationship, which began to collapse day after day.

The husband reached a state of severe psychological and nervous breakdown, fell into deep depression, and became in constant conflict with his wife, a situation that could end — God forbid — in divorce.
This husband came to me seeking treatment for his deteriorating psychological condition.

Case Analysis

After an in-depth discussion with the husband, I tried to understand:
Why did things reach this point?
How did an intense and romantic love story turn into a relationship on the verge of collapse?

Here, I am conveying only the husband’s point of view, because I have not yet listened to the wife. I asked him to bring her to a later session so that we can clarify matters and, God willing, reach a solution.

After analysis, I found that the causes of conflict were not one major reason, but rather about twenty small points.
Each point alone may seem trivial or insignificant, but:

A big fire starts with only a small spark.

The accumulation of these small details is what created the disaster.

Examples of These Accumulations

Among the things the husband repeatedly asked for, but did not receive a real response to, were the following:

1. He asked her to wash his clothes by hand instead of using the washing machine, believing that machine washing does not clean them properly.

2. She did not iron his clothes, and he went to work wearing wrinkled clothes.

3. She did not organize his clothes despite repeated remarks.

4. He liked to eat using specific plates and spoons that had emotional value to him, but she often did not take this into consideration.

5. He preferred eating at the dining table rather than on a side table, yet she usually served the food on the side table.

6. He liked to eat before sunset, while meals were always delayed until after sunset.

7. He did not like very hot food, but it was served boiling hot.

8. When food was served, there was no water or napkins.

9. The refrigerator was messy, with bags piled up in a disorganized way.

10. His personal bathroom towel was used by the children despite his warnings.

11. His socks were given to the children when needed.

12. She disclosed his personal secrets to family members or others despite his objections.

13. She did not adhere to modest Islamic dress when going out, despite his repeated advice.

14. She delayed responding to him when he invited her to intimacy, which is one of the most dangerous issues.

15. She raised her voice during conversations.

16. She neglected the children’s hygiene.

17. She gave mobile phones to the children despite his refusal.

18. She allowed the children to stay up late watching television.

19. She did not wake up early to accompany him before he went to work or prepare breakfast for him.

20. The Result

• All these points, through daily repetition, created a dangerous psychological accumulation in the husband.
  He began to feel annoyance, then aversion, until love turned into darkness in his heart toward his wife.

  After five years of these accumulations, he no longer saw her as a wife, but rather as a collection of accumulated negative behaviors, which led to emotional emptiness, coldness in the relationship, and frequent conflicts.

 

• A Warning Message and Advice

  My advice to wives is this:
  Try to respond to your husband’s requests as much as possible, and do not neglect his repeated needs.

  When a husband repeats a request and receives no response, he:

  • Becomes upset

  • Then remains silent

  • Then reaches a stage of despair

  When a husband reaches the stage of no longer asking, this is the most dangerous stage, because it means:
  Complete emotional coldness and the extinguishing of the marital relationship.

  What seems small today may become a disaster tomorrow if neglected.

  I hope this story serves as a lesson for all of us.
  God willing, after listening to the wife’s point of view, we will present the full picture.

  May you remain under Allah’s care and protect

• This story exists in many homes.